The past semester has really been hard for me, like all hell broke loose just for me. I have myself exhausted at the first month of the semester. Then in the Midterms week, I got sick. Not to mention I have to transfer from a good house with my Brods then to a "deserted" Boarding House. Great, isn't it?
But the second greatest struggle (first of which is academics which I overcame before the next semester began) was in the groups I was affiliated to. It seemed that I was having a hard time to balance myself this time. I mean, those past semesters of being lax now takes its toll and this time I need to focus now on what matters most.
For many reasons I kept too far for them to survive, I may have to decide whether or not to leave a group.
I was there when the group was a shining star. I was there when all of the sudden that star was forced to collide with others and almost lost its light. I was there when the group tried to regain their composure. I was the first leader for the rebirth of the group. And when it finally risen again, I was there. But not for long. I have to keep myself away, not because I don't like the group, but I don't see myself growing with the group.
True enough, I could be called a pillar of the group. But as the group tried to reach another notch, I was left on the first level, and I could not commit that much to practice, because at the first place it's the academics I have to prioritize. And now that I have to try not extend my stay in the university for another year, I
I have no problem with the people in the group. In fact I love them. They were there tirelessly for the group. We shared some hopes and dreams (and some shots) together. I mean, staying with 8 passionate guys for that sake was a huge sacrifice for me. And then, they grew as expected of us as a group, but I never did, no matter how hard I tried. I know this thinking is ridiculous, but they can do much better with or without me.
So why did I stay for another year? I cannot leave the group, because they are in need of people. I could have left like my batchmates did. But I so love music that I want to keep it in the University. The music cannot and must not die. I decided to take a pause, away from them, because my academic life was calling me.
After I lay low for a while, I've seen them myself when they presented in a program and I was just amazed. I figured my problem myself: I was never fit for a performance like they did. I mean, I have the talent but I did not have the guts for that kind of presentation. I have the passion for music but it's rock genre that I prefer. I was never oriented to betray the group's style and it never was my intention, but I did. I do not see myself in the next few years singing choir songs.
I just hope one day, when I leave, I can do it with no hurt feelings, and I just hope the group might reach its goals and visions. I can't believe I joined such a group, met such people and went through UPMin life for four years now. That was the best experience for me. But when I have to go, I pray for the success of the group, that they may stand strong, for I know I might be just a burden or even insignificant to the growth of the team.