Friday, June 29, 2012

The Dilemma of an Overdue Student

So here I am now. 21 years old. 4 years in college, but extended for another. Pressured by my parents.

It seems like when I was first year and I failed a subject, they let me know that it's okay. Learn from mistakes. But now that I am supposed to graduate last school year, they give me pressure one cannot handle.

So I have two classes for this semester, both on a TTH schedule. So I am free in Wednesdays and Fridays. But I do not want to go back to home just yet after my class. It's not okay for me to stay here at this house all day. I have enough stress at school to have more of their sermons just because of a far-out thought.

They just want to see me burnt out. I stay at the boarding house because there, I am free. Free from everything they pushed against me. Free from the reality that I am just so insolent for them because they see me here always with my laptop. Free from the chains I wear. Free from being so misunderstood.

And I prefer to study in the boarding house, where I could be alone. Where no one will bother me while I was doing my thesis. Where there would be roommates also doing their stuffs, which motivates you to do also. Yet they fail to get my point there.

In fact I need a break from the harsh days at school that I want to eat and sleep all day every weekends. They might want to understand how hard I worked for my academics. Yet they expect me to work my ass off all the time.

They wanted me to be independent. I myself wanted to be independent. But ironically, they want me to go back to them. Isn't that giving me the notion that I am dependent to them? It sucks. And they told me that I should've landed a job. Come on, like, I'm having a hard time here. And in case they forgot, they told me they would support my studies as long as they could. Oh, the irony of things.

One day, I will get out of this house and be glad that I made it myself. Yes, I will never forget where I come from, but I could never forgive them. They made me who I am. They made the miserable ME.