Thoughts on Happiness

What does happiness truly mean?
Does one need to defy other people's expectations to find happiness?
Is happiness dictated by other persons or society?
If so, why do dictionaries define happiness as a feeling of content and a state of well-being?

Why can't one just be happy without limits or restrictions?
Why does happiness needs to come with a bad thing afterwards?
Why do people who are happy at a time get troubles and problems after?
Why does one's happiness need to be judged by people?
Why do some people find happiness in judging other people's happiness?
Why do some people ruin other people's happiness?
Is there a rule in being happy?
How do other people define you with the way you are happy?
Why can't people be happy with what others do?

Riding-in-Tandem in DAVAO!!!

Dear my friends, blog followers, whoever you may be: we've been a victim of a RIDING-IN-TANDEM snatching. Want to hear a story? Here it goes.

We were walking downtown with the one I love and I'm like, fuck y..... errrr, no. Just kidding. So, we are heading to Claro M. Recto street to ride a jeepney to escort her home and we are only a few blocks away from there. Then out from nowhere (I mean out of my peripheral vision) there came a motorcycle. A black one. With two hideous hooligans in jackets of black.

We were shouting from the top of our lungs. Then we realize people just stared at us. So I handed her the other bag and made a run for it. I know we would have a thin chance but what else can I do? I never ran as fast like that, plus the shouting.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand so, they were riding faster than I ran. And we lost them. And just then we reach the place where I thought they made a turn, I notice two security guards just staring there. They did not do something about what happened. Greaaaaaaaaaaaat! So I asked for the police number and decided to make a call. But where? The first one who gave us the number referred us to the other one just across the street, so I could use their phone. Aaaaaaaaaaand he refused because their boss was not there. So we went to the nearby convenience store to have a free emergency phone call. We went to the police after then reported the incident for a blotter.

She lost most of her important things: wallets, flash drive (with everything she needed for her academics), the wrist watch and bracelet I gave her, and some girly stuffs. What hurts the most was not what was lost. What hurts was the fact that the security guards did nothing to stop the horrendous thieves!

OKAY. RANTS DONE.

Jealousy: Two Sides

Boys on girlfriend's jealousy...
Girl: Babe, delete her. I don't like her.
Boy: Okay, no problem. I deleted her for you.

Girl: Don't talk to her. I don't trust you guys talking. 

Boy: Okay, I won't talk to her, baby.

Girl: Don't chill with her. I don't feel comfortable with it. 

Boy: Alright, I won't see her so you don't have to worry. 

Girl: You better not be flirting with any other girls.

Boy: I'm not, baby. I don't even talk to much girls anymore.

Girls on boyfriend's jealousy...
Boy: Babe, delete him. I don't like him.

Girl: But I've known him for awhile. He's like a brother to me. 

Boy: Don't talk to him. I don't trust you guys talking. 

Girl: But we're just friends. There's nothing going on. 

Boy: Don't chill with him. I don't feel comfortable with it.

Girl: But we chill in the same circle of friends, it's not like he doesn't know about you.

Boy: You better not be flirting with any other guys.

Girl: They're not flirting with me, they're just being friendly.

I don't know. Relate? :D

New Year 2013

Heeeeeeey! I love 2012, but sadly, like every year and all that we see, this has to end. Welcome 2013 with a bang! And sooooooo... MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!

1. Get fat. I'm too skinny!
2. Live like to the fullest
3. Love more... :D #KDC
4. Fully stop drinking alcohol (and I started this a few months ago)

I'm happy for what happened in 2012, but I know in 2013 there's a lot in store! Cheers my friends! Happy new year! :D

Random Rage

Hello everybody! I'm sorry for the posts that are mostly rants. It's just me, confused during these times. Bear with me please. Ha ha!

So there's this guy who my girlfriend knew a year ago. He sent a message to my girlfriend that he wants to meet her 5pm today. I was not furious about this until she told me he was flooding messages. Well, as a protective (or you could say overly attached) boyfriend as I am, I thought that, hey, that was beyond her privacy. I think you got the idea that she does not want to see you.

Guys should know boundaries. When girls refuse, don't flood them with pleases. I mean, that's not how you get girls. You have to wait for the proper timing to meet them. And knowing she has a boyfriend, that was not the proper timing. Yes, for you, that would just be a friendly meeting. But for the girl, and most probably for his boyfriend, it might mean something else. ;)

11gulotoni24

If I had 9 lives

If I had 9 lives to live
I'd live them all just looking for you
For in this heart, I know and believe
That I was made for you

If I had 9 lives to live
Then the other 8 would be dull and blue
The mountains I'd climb, The seas I'd sail
But to me there's only one "YOU"

If I had 9 lives to live
I'd give the rest away
I'd enjoy this one lifetime
As long as, in the end, you'll stay

If I had 9 lives to live
And the memory of you would stay
I'd bargain to God the other lives
Just to be with you for another day

If I had 9 lives to live
I'd live the other 8 happy enough
For at least, in a lifetime
You and I have this kind of love

HAAAAAAPY 9TH MOOOOOOONTH MY PRIIIIIIIIIINCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES GWAAAAAAAAAAAPAAAAAAAAAANDAAAAAA BAAAAAAAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOY!!!! 
:* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* :* 

11gulotoni24

Bad jokes

I know you just want to protect your sister from what happened with you with your girlfriend. I know things are not on your plans. I know it's hard for you to accept.

But please. Stop teasing us that we are gonna be married sooner than you. As a matter of fact, we have plans ourselves. We made a promise. 6 years is 6 years. No child-bearing reasons, just pure love and destiny. No child till we settle down on ourselves.

Don't get jealous when I take care of your cousin (or let's have it your way: sister). I want to protect her the best way I can. Don't treat me like I'm just the same as the other boys who would only want to get in her pants. NO. I want to get in her heart. I want to make her happy. I want to make her my life. I want need her to be by my side.

And don't be envy because things went right for us. We are careful enough, and it was not our problem you failed to do so. Don't wish us bad luck just because we are doing things in a good way. It sounds so immature.

Lastly, don't kid around about that. It's a bad joke to tell to lovers. I mean, it was OK the first time we heard it. Just do not abuse the laughter in that sensitive joke. It's kind of getting into our nerves just now.

We are sweet. We love each other. We fuss a little and but we end in love and laughter. But that does not mean we are so getting married right away. It means we are happy with each other. Don't worry, I'll marry her in our own time. AND WE WILL PROVE TO YOU THAT MARRIAGE IS NOT JUST A RITE. IT IS A SACRAMENT.

You Have the Rights

Dear my Princess GwaPanda Baboy,

I wrote this because I want to make it clear. I wrote this because I want you to know, that you have the rights to stalk me. And these are my arguments.

1. You have the right to stalk whoever I chat, whomsoever status I like, whatsoever I comment. I'd rather have an overly attached girlfriend (that's what you are but you want to say that it was cool even though it wasn't) than one who doesn't give a damn about me. I'd rather have you checking out who's who in my life than to never ever hear about whatever I say.

2. You have the right to be jealous. 'Cause as a matter of fact, I get jealous. I always get jealous (well, not for those who call you sexy, I tag them inappropriate hehe). I get jealous because you talk about and praise guys in front of me. And you, as my girlfriend, have the right to get jealous.

3. It's not your fault that you happened to browse my phonebook and there was a girl with a smiley on her name, or look at my old FB pictures and those pictures with my ex were still there. It's my fault because I did not clean up after my mess. The problem is not that you are too curious and that you want to check me out. It's me not erasing those moments that do not matter to me anymore because I'm too confident you'd never find out.

4. I never want you to doubt me. But I also never want you to hide these doubts and keep hurting yourself for anything that I have done. I never ever want to make you cry, though sometimes I know I did. It hurts for me to see you cry. But it burns me inside when you cry and I don't know what the reason was. So if you're jealous or angry or pissed, tell me.

5. I always stalk you. I always want to know about who you are with, why you were there, what you are doing, and stuffs like that. That is because I wanna check how you were doing out there without me. That's why I get sad when I hear about your plurks that you are angry, confused, afraid, etc..

6. I really don't have a problem with you stalking me. It's for you to guard your heart from any mischief I might do. Do not think of it as a bad habit, but instead, treat it as a good move.

7. Yes, find this corny, but I just want to show my all to you. I want to show you that even though I had those flaws, I would do everything I need to, just to make you stay with me forever.

These facts and more that I could not recall of are the reasons why I want you to stalk me. If ever you have complaints/comments, just text me or type in your comment below.

Thanks for the time and hoping for your warm-hearted consideration.

Your Prince GwaPolar Baboy,

11gulotoni24

P.S. I wrote this because... I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOU SOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH GWAPA!!!! :* :* :* :* :* :* :*

This Sucks

When you are really trying to be an open book. It sucks. It sucks even more when she won't tell me what's wrong with me. It's been 8 months and we would be on this same problem again. I don't really care if it's a small problem or a big one. What I really care is that it's a problem. How could we even solve bigger problems when she can't even share the smallest of them? She call for her friends for the smallest problems, so most probably she'd call them also for the bigger ones. I don't know, it just hurts when we can talk about it but she opts to talk to anyone other than me.

I hate this feeling. God knows I hate this feeling. Is it trust issues? Is it just me being insensitive to what she might feel? Am I too much of an open book that I am predictable? Or do I need to open more pages of me?

I can't read her sometimes. She doesn't want me to. If ever there was a problem, she opens the other page, the "I'M OKAY" page. How would I know what's the problem? Does she know that it hurts me more when she ask others about what to do with our problems? Seriously they do not know about us. I know there was but I need to know what. I'm not a psychic for me to know what she feels or what triggers that feeling. :'(

CONFUSIONS CLOUD MY MIND. This sucks the most but yes. EMOTE MODE.

POEM #8

So let me tell you about a love so innate
About a girl with whom I have same traits
About a love that I can't hate
For sweet months that went eight

For all the girls that I have met
She's the one I could never ever forget
My life so dull she had ornate
The reason that we reached eighth

My heart still goes on a faster rate
Whenever I see her before our dates
I still can't forget the talks when we stay up late
Even though we already reached eighth

She for me is the perfect mate
Even though my eyes at times they dilate
On thinking of how much rice she ate
Still laugh at it on our month number eight

Maybe when we have a situation we hate
Or even when we have a special date
I greet her with flowers and chocolates
And I would do so, even in this eighth

Darling, you are definitely worth the wait
How about my family name on your nameplate?
Yes, soon enough because years will wait
But for now we will enjoy our eighth

My love, we've come by this state
Because you and I have a love this great
And you have loved me through my overreacting traits
Sure enough, we would cherish more eights

PS. This is for the smiles and love you gave to me. Because of this, we reached our happy 8th... I LOVE YOU KRISMARIE DIANNE CEZAR!!! :*

Why Bro, Why?

I can't do my thesis well at this time. Oh my dear thesis adviser, please let me get through this. Just one blog, just this once.

Would it be so hard for you to know that your brother was already a drinker? At a ripe age of 13, I was getting only puppy love and all those cheesy stuffs right there. And academics. And love. And basketball. And table tennis.

Okay, I admit. I am a drinker. I got drunk so many times, and my favorite hard beverage is beer. San Mig Light to put it into name. But would it be enough for my brother to stop drinking? Having seen me and my dad drunk, didn't it gave him the mentality that being drunk is bad?

I have been trying to avoid alcohol as much as possible even if my body still longs for it sometimes, until now. It gave me nothing. No! It gave me some things! Headache, bowel disorder, puking nights, hangovers. But yes, I still drink, because there are times when I think I needed to.

This day, my girlfriend and I made a pact. We would never ever drink again. Healthy lifestyle is the main point. But this day also, I knew that my brother already have had drinking sessions with his Boy Scout friends. Worse, it's at the school. Worst, he's still 13 and I am college when I was drinking at a hyper rate.

I am a bad brother. I showed him that drinking is just fine, as long as you don't get drunk. Or being drunk is just fine, just don't get caught to nanay and tatay.

Well, karma, you caught me again. When I was just trying to stop drinking hard liquors, my brother was dying to have some. I could be accused of promoting beer in our house and now my brother drinks it. I am guilty.

7 days a week

Whenever you need someone to care
Whenever you need someone to be there
When all of the clouds surround you
Seven days a week, I'd be here for you

When the burdens you cannot bear
With your problems you cannot share
When life seems to be unfair
Seven days a week, I'm here to care

When the world seems to turn its back on you
I will be the one to carry you through
When tears start to fall and you want to surrender
Seven days a week, you could cry on my shoulders

Whenever you need a loyal companion
I'll be someone you could rely on
Promises can break but this one can't do
Seven days a week, I LOVE YOU.

11gulotoni24

ps. I know things around are hard to bear these times. But please don't give up on life. My heart can't stand to see you sad. I hope I could just ease your pain. Still, I'm here for you and will try to fix you. :*

BUSY! but INSPIRED... :D

Yes. That was my thesis on the side. I need to comply on the deadlines before I am dead. Every week is a paper I need to comply or revise. I should be dead by now! O_O

And yes. That was my girlfriend/cook/mom/hugging machine/boss. And now, whenever I need to watch my thesis and all other stuffs right there, I just stare and it will make me feel inspired to do things. I think of my life with her in the future, our plans, our goals together.

And yes. I CAN DO ALL OF THESE THINGS. AND MORE.

:DDDDDD

Poem #6

6 months that weve been through

6 lines I always say to you

these lines have said what's in my heart

6 lines in hopes we would never part

"Ingats ha," I'd say to show my care

when at your side I could not be there

"See you later" when we would have a date

coz I know when I'm with you, everything's great

"Good morning" in every day of our lives

Coz you were the first thing on my mind

"Good night" when I sleep at night

Hoping when I wake up you'd be by my side

Saying "I miss you" when I want you near

when I miss your hugs and kisses, my dear

"I love you" coz I need you to know

How dear you are to me, and I'll never let go

11gulotoni24

P.S. Francis Loves Krissy <3

Funny, But Annoying

Well, it has been 6 months since I had this relationship with Gwapa (Krismarie Dianne Cezar is her real name). And I find it weird that every time we see one of her friends, some would mistake me for someone, still.

It was funny the first time it happened. I mean, it was just new, like 2nd month, and I understand that they do not know me. But the thing is, it keeps happening and happening. What I hated is that they call me the name of her ex-boyfriend.

This is a boyfriend's dilemma. One does not want to be called by the ex'es name, am I right? I mean, this sucks. I am very different from that scumbag who hurt my girl's heart over and over. I just hate the feeling that you've just been a copycat.

By the way, it's RESTONI, not RICK. It's for a reason that my nickname is TON. And unlike him, I will be the man who will be the opposite of that kid. Instead of leaving, I'd be staying. Instead of hurting, I'd be caressing. Instead of fighting, I'd be the one who understands her.

I'd be the knight who will protect my princess from bandits like him. :)

Shut up homophobic seal. This is serious stuff.

The Gospel That Captured Who I Am

We (with my family and my cousin) went to the church tonight to attend an Anticipated mass (a mass in a Saturday with Sunday's gospel). And the gospel has hit me. That was Mark 6:1-6.

"And Jesus said to them, 'A prophet is not without honor, except in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house.'" -Mark 6:4

This struck me the most. I don't know why, but it came to my mind that it is what I am at home. So, here's my own reflection.

I was prejudged here in my house, like Jesus was in His own birthplace, Jerusalem. I was always the weakest link, the one always pushed forward (sometimes pushed aside), the one always pressured. They see me as someone weaker than my own brother even though I am the eldest. Someone they can call their "kaladkarin" son.

But outside, I was treated different. I am someone worth searching for. The go-to guy. The nice guy. The sweet guy. The corny guy. There's always something in me that makes me who I am.

It's sad that when everyone else you knew wishes you luck in your thesis and encouraging you, your family brings you down and doubting your capabilities. That was what I thought. They keep on seeing me as the one who failed a subject and is doomed to fail again.

But Jesus did the right thing. He still share the wonders of God's love for us. He is willing to give Himself to His hometown even though He knew He will not be accepted. He even healed the sick and performed some miracles.

Can something good come from a man who failed once? I don't know. But there is only one thing I know that I will always do. I will never stop trying to succeed even though my own kin will despise me for that failure.

Why Gays are Still Not Accepted By Public

Gays. When you hear one, many would say "eeeeew!" or "damn, straight up, bro".

Do you gays know why you are still not accepted? Then hear this story.

I was walking in the street in the middle of the night to buy some water. I then passed by the local bar as usual, when I saw gays drinking. I was too damn certain that one of them stood up when he (or she, or it) saw me. So as a defense, I quickly pulled my phone and pretended to text. I don't want to have a conversation starter. I didn't see their reaction because seriously, I did not mind them.

After I bought my water, I went back to my boarding house and I could pass by the bar (as I said earlier). I saw four of them on the street, so I quickly pulled my phone. Then I took a straight face. Next thing I knew, they were singing "Chikading Chikading naglupad-lupad". And I know they were referring to me. They even shouted "MAYA!" which means a "closet gay".

For the record, I AM NOT GAY. I do not define myself as one. Just because I suit up like this or just because I'm thin, it makes me a gay, or as you say it, closet gay. I was disgusted because of my ego as an Aries (thanks a lot to my horoscope). I was supposed to be a standard bearer to all men. Then you prejudge me as a gay? The reason they all are prejudged is because they are also prejudging. Remember the golden rule: Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do to you.

I do not hate gays. There are formal gays, who in my own opinion deserves to be accepted. For me, there are no men or women, or gays or lesbians -- there are just people. But what I hate are people who, collectively or individually, annoy my senses. Let's say, these "kanto" gays. They liberally do what they wanted to do without minding the society or the reaction of the people they are interacting with.

What I'm trying to say is that, when you want respect about your identity, learn to respect first your society. Other gays have tried to conform, but with them demoralizing the third gender, it gives me less hopes of them accepted by the society. It's sad to think, but I guess we are losing hope for them. For all those who fight for your rights to be accepted with the right conducts, KUDOS! But these friends of yours needs a high five. On the face. With a chair. Or maybe a bro fist! On the crotch. With Thor's Mjolnir.

Just saying.

The Dilemma of an Overdue Student

So here I am now. 21 years old. 4 years in college, but extended for another. Pressured by my parents.

It seems like when I was first year and I failed a subject, they let me know that it's okay. Learn from mistakes. But now that I am supposed to graduate last school year, they give me pressure one cannot handle.

So I have two classes for this semester, both on a TTH schedule. So I am free in Wednesdays and Fridays. But I do not want to go back to home just yet after my class. It's not okay for me to stay here at this house all day. I have enough stress at school to have more of their sermons just because of a far-out thought.

They just want to see me burnt out. I stay at the boarding house because there, I am free. Free from everything they pushed against me. Free from the reality that I am just so insolent for them because they see me here always with my laptop. Free from the chains I wear. Free from being so misunderstood.

And I prefer to study in the boarding house, where I could be alone. Where no one will bother me while I was doing my thesis. Where there would be roommates also doing their stuffs, which motivates you to do also. Yet they fail to get my point there.

In fact I need a break from the harsh days at school that I want to eat and sleep all day every weekends. They might want to understand how hard I worked for my academics. Yet they expect me to work my ass off all the time.

They wanted me to be independent. I myself wanted to be independent. But ironically, they want me to go back to them. Isn't that giving me the notion that I am dependent to them? It sucks. And they told me that I should've landed a job. Come on, like, I'm having a hard time here. And in case they forgot, they told me they would support my studies as long as they could. Oh, the irony of things.

One day, I will get out of this house and be glad that I made it myself. Yes, I will never forget where I come from, but I could never forgive them. They made me who I am. They made the miserable ME.

Forevermore

This feeling maybe surreal

But yet I feel this more and more

so today I am making this pact

I wanna be with you forevermore

No shame, I'm about to tell the world

This heart of mine cannot be ignored

Yes dear, I know this love's not blurred

I wanna love you forevermore

Your hugs it's so stuck on my mind

Always want that moment everytime

And your hand so tender, feels like I could soar

I wanna hold you forevermore

And in the night when I try to sleep

And when I'm too tired of counting sheeps

All I want is you with me for sure

wrapped in my arms forevermore

And as much as i think of you

I want to show this love is true

I miss you my dear and it hurts me more

All I want is you, forevermore

-11gulotoni24

Happy Birthday to My Love!

So I tried to surprise her on her 20th birthday last May 7 2012. I tried to surprise her but all of my plans seems to fail. But the best part is I surprised her! So as a poetic boyfriend, I tried to put my feelings into words. And so here it goes:

Everyday, there's this smile on my face

That nothing or no one ever can erase

It's love that I felt that it could not be true

Love that I felt from you

I'm thinking of special ways to thank you

but alas, nothing could ever do

So I thank God and asked Him to bless you

And show you happiness I could never give to you

On this special day I'm proud to show

What I feel and why I felt it so

I'm lucky to have a girl as perfect for me as you

Happy birthday, KRISMARIE DIANNE CEZAR! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU! :*

-11gulotoni24